04 Jun Why looking inwards can give you the strength to reach your goals
“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable and then, when we summon the will, they become inevitable.” – Christoper Reeve
I love this quote – it’s one of many affirmations I use for myself and I always share with others. I’ll talk more about why it’s so important to me in a moment but it’s a perfect reflection point for me now as it has been at various times of my life.
Reflection for me is about always looking ahead, considering how the past experiences of my life have shaped who I am, been a driving force in my growth and helped me navigate the present.
Who’s clearing the table?
My previous blogs have gone into great detail about my upbringing as a child. You can read all about that by clicking here.
As a business coach, aspects of my life up to this point in time are where the fundamental skills to do my job came from. There’s no getting away from it – that upbringing shaped me to be able to support you and your journey.
Like many people, lots of my memories are compartmentalised, tucked away in boxes to bring up front for when I need to reflect on them to answer a client question, help me write a presentation or prepare my coaching materials.
I have never spent lots of time discussing the impact of being brought up 4,000 miles away from my parents. It’s just something I can instinctively feel sometimes. Here’s a good example…
My sons are beautiful boys of whom I could not be more proud. But clearing up the table after dinner is a major problem for them. They’ll spend a good amount of time complaining and arguing that it’s not their turn, that they did it yesterday, that he said he would do it tonight.
But when I grew up, who else was going to do it? So that element of parenting is a difficulty and it’s moments like that where I realise I’ve found the skills from somewhere to diffuse the situation and to find an amicable solution.
Naturally, that helps me as a mentor and a business coach. I might not have experienced every scenario brought to me by clients but I will have seen most of them before – and the ones I haven’t I have made it my business to learn all about.
Only you can make yourself truly happy
“A satisfied life is better than a successful life because our success is often measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart.” – Unknown
In another previous blog, I focused on my career and my transition from law to housing management to coaching and mentoring.
The quote above is so powerful because I’m not as rich as I want to be. I would love to be in a better place but – on reflection and when I compare myself to others – I’ve done well under the circumstances. And I’m going to do better. I’ve not done my best work yet.
Like the quote says, that’s where my satisfaction comes from, knowing I’ve done OK and I will continue to improve. I talk to all my clients about that quote and why it’s so important.
Look back and identify the key insights that have been laid out in front of you over the course of your life. The role models, the people who definitely weren’t role models, the bad situations, the good situations, the times when you didn’t get what you wanted, the times when you got exactly what you wanted – they’re all positive reflections because they help you learn and grow.
I’ve spent the last six years networking, meeting people, coaching people, getting positive feedback and growing my business. It’s all positive.
Two recent lessons I’ve learned
As I write this, I’m going through a real reflective, introspective period of my own. As I’ve said, I always look ahead and encourage others to do the same. But every so often I encourage everyone to step back and have a look around.
In doing so, I’ve identified two patterns of my own behaviour which require some form of adjustment.
Firstly, I’m a giver. Pure and simple, always have been. My example here is I was recently asked by the organiser of a women in business event to put forward six names to be showcased at the event.
So I came up with six names and put them forward. But then it occurred to me that I’d done quite a lot for at least four of them and here I was putting them in the spotlight again – when they’d done nothing for me.
I’m not going to stop doing things like that but I am going to do less of them and be more thoughtful about who I give to in that way. Because the lesson I’ve learnt there is I’m helping other people grow, but I’m using my own limiting beliefs and excuses not to grow myself.
Secondly, a really super accolade went to someone else. I’ve no idea if I was in the running for it and I didn’t expect it but I felt a pang of jealousy. When I sat down and thought about it, he got it because he wanted it and so he went all out to get it.
So one of the things I have to reflect on is that sometimes – because of everything that’s happened in the past – I still wait for things to come to me, I occasionally play second fiddle. That has to stop.
And that’s where the Christopher Reeve quote comes in. I can reach the top of my chosen profession and looking back to see how much closer I am now than I was when I started is a crucial rallying point for me.
Introspection is crucial – try it and you might end up identifying the things that are holding you back and get you to be where you need or want to be.
That’s it for my story – now let’s hear yours
“Growing a business is not just a one-off, one month event. It’s an ongoing focus, impacting all aspects of our world.” – Bayo Igoh
You have now heard my story, right up to the present day. Now I want to hear yours. This blog is all about helping you achieve your business goals and you’ve now heard all I can tell you about my credentials and my ability to do that.
What’s your problem? Overwhelm? Inability to delegate? Just trying to get started?
You can identify the key insights gained from navigating obstacles and successes and use them to overcome those problems and form future goals and aspirations. To do that, all you need is someone to stop and listen to you. And that’s me.
Whether you’re looking to take your business to the next level, start again with a fresh approach or if you just need someone to keep you accountable, I can help. Book a free discovery call with me by clicking here and let’s explore how coaching could accelerate your growth.